Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
