3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
