how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize