i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
