he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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