I'm going to jail i love you
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
