So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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