My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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