Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
