dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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