You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
