his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
