I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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