ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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