Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
