My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
