I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
