I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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