i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize