So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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