i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize