I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
