Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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