And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
