Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
