I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
