I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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