I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
