just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
