It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
