her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
