Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize