So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
