You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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