My boss' voice literally gives me gas
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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