I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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