All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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