my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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