Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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