I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
