i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
