I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
