I think I am morally bankrupt
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
