Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
