Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
