Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
