I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
