remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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