My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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