I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
