I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
