guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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