I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
