I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
