There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
