...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
