i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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