I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize