Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
