Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
