wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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