There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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