I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize