Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
