i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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