she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
