I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
