I cockslap morals
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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