Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
