I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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