Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
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