I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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