i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
