Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
